Living in a Dream | Laura Weinstein | [email protected]

Depersonalization, a dissociative symptom often looked over by the mental health community and profession, will be experienced by 50% of the population once in their lifetime, while only 2% of the population will suffer from depersonalization disorder chronically. Laura brings light to this mental disorder by sharing her 11 year battle with depersonalization disorder. Laura Weinstein is a student journalist, as well as a vegan, LGBTQ+, and feminist activist from Coral Springs, Florida. She is the opinion editor of North Broward’s online newspaper Brainwash, where she publishes everything from movie reviews to controversial articles on questioning the foundation of personal ethics. Laura is an officer for the Gay Straight Alliance of NBPS, and runs social media for the club as well. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at

98 comentarios:

Ratzy G
Ratzy G:
When i first got this i almost went insane i thought that my life was all a lie and i thought that i was just in a dream and that maybe if i died i would wake up.
Jose cruz
Jose cruz:
Looking at the mirror. Looking at my body. My body. My body? Why do feel like it's not mine? Whose mass of things are these? move these hands Fidget toes down there feel pain where pinch It's attached to me somehow Is this my face?
Hunter Brownfield
Hunter Brownfield:
struggle with DPDR every day, but making gradual progress. Watching others talk openly about this helps ground me. Thank you <3
Alexis Young
Alexis Young:
I remember how relived I was after I finally told a friend about how I felt and he reassured me I was real and it calmed me down a bit. Mirrors scare me . I feel like I’m watching myself in the third person , floating above myself . I’m scared I’m living in a coma or a dream and I can’t wake up. It feels like I could die any minute and there’s nothing anybody can do to help . like there is a barrier between me and everything else in the world . Like it’s all a program and everyone is a robot. I can’t wait till it stops . Having friends know and tell you you are real everyday helps
this brought me to tears i hate this feeling
That got so deep I have a breakdown in the middle of the video.
I just want my body back, I just want to be normal. I want it to stop.
And how do I know I am commenting on the right video? How do I know I just watched the video I just saw?

I hate my head! I want it to stop! Why won't it stop?!
Zita Ani
Zita Ani:
WARNING! DPDR trigger. The video itself is a trigger!
sophie ferguson
sophie ferguson:
i feel that i am real but everything else feels really foggy if that makes any sense and at this point i can't tell the difference between my dreams and my real life but it's chill
Mary Chaplin
Mary Chaplin:
I’ve had this for 4 years now and it won’t go away no matter what I do. People don’t understand how truly terrifying this is.
I just found out yesterday I have been dealing with this for 16 years, and I'm only 24! One day in the 3rd grade I woke up and I felt tired (not sleepy, but tired) and generally disinterested in life. I tried to explain it to my mom but she never understood. I was so happy to find out that it had a name and there were other people that felt like me!
Just so y’all know, you CAN beat this!!!! :)))) I went through this after quitting drugs and it gave me severe depression but I BEAT IT. I WON. I FEEL NORMAL AGAIN. This went on for 3 years. But it WILL STOP EVENTUALLY just stop thinking about it try to ignore it and breathe and be patient it eventually stops. I promise :) I’m so happy again!!!
Origami Kazami
Origami Kazami:
I got this feeling through smoking weed
Alexis Retzepis
Alexis Retzepis:
SO happy this is getting noticed. DPDR is real!
too lazy for a good name
too lazy for a good name:
Idk if i have this but whenever i feel depressed when Im alone i feel as if anything doesn't matter and i feel as if i am in a dream and reality is fake and i have this fear as if my emotions are fake and i keep overthinking things
Lindsay Reese
Lindsay Reese:
You are not alone. There is always hope. The key is acceptance.
if you have DPDR.. (DONT PUT A VR HEADSET ON) it is a HUGE trigger
Lynda Davidson
Lynda Davidson:
What a beautiful person you are, and so very brave standing up there on stage doing this talk, what a contributing speech you have done for this world :)
Saying that DPDR can be it's own disorder can be quite a dangerous thing to say, since many who have dealt with it for years and have recovered can tell you it is literally just a symptom of an over active stress and anxiety response. There is hope and recovery for all who suffer from DPDR, such as myself, but you have to address the real problem: anxiety and anxious thought habits.
Julia Capuzzi
Julia Capuzzi:
Just found this word. Been dealing with this my whole life. I’m 20 now and accepted my dreamlike reality. Thought everyone dealt with this until I started describing the feelings I felt.
Shane Long
Shane Long:
Let's look to our past, and re-connect with ourselves... Grieve and change our current situation... Growth from this Dp/Dr is 100%!
I have felt like this for over a year now, but finally i can pin it down. Sometimes i can’t see if i ever have felt truly well in the last couple of weeks, but i know that it always gets better. At the start it was constant, but now its just in spurts, short or long. Hopefully now that i know what i truly have, and know i am not going insane i hope i can put it to rest.
Animosity999’s Fireworks
Animosity999’s Fireworks:
I suffer from Tinnitus, Visual Snow and both cause depersonalization and social anxiety.
Andy R St. Paul
Andy R St. Paul:
Has anyone ever just felt really exhausted like even when you open yours? You slept all night but when you wake up you’re still tired!?
Layla Love
Layla Love:
thank you, from the bottom of my heart. you are not alone
Athena Hasti
Athena Hasti:
Caroline No
Caroline No:
Beautiful speaker and beautiful person
I started having my first episodes of depersonalization a few weeks ago. I had a panic attack a few nights ago actually. I think because everything is all in my head, so long as I embrace the depersonalization I can endure it. I have been much better since the panic attack, I think it made me realize that I am still in control. no matter how weird it feels typing this, or breathing, or any action for that matter.
Yikes just getting through this video was a chore and a half because I kept "spacing out" 😂😂😂 derealization really ain't no joke lol
Angel A
Angel A:
I took an edible like 3 days ago and this is how I've been feeling for the pass days. I dont know what to do , I'm scared to tell my parents
Allan Zepeda
Allan Zepeda:
I have struggled with this since 2004. It's been terrible having this for so long that it's eaten a large chunk of my happiness. And I have found a solution so far that's works for me.

1.) I go outside breathe and look at moving objects around me (cars, traffic and people ) . 2.) I look at both of my hands and move them around in fluid circular motion. 3.) I force my eyes to track and focus on my hands while they move for a couple of seconds. 4.) Then I stop , look down on the ground and then look straight ahead slowly looking up. I remind myself to keep looking at traffic, people, cars , and moving objects in a fluid motion. I pay attention to the last frame of what I saw. So in a way I remove the movie feel or 24frames per second feeling. This is happening in the Optic Nerves along with your sinuses senses. So you need to force your eyes to focus strong and you might get a slight headache after but keep doing it until you train yourself to see the world in fluid motion and come back to your normal self! Also if you want to train your ears at the same time, buy an Audio recorder with live audio feed and listen to your environment clearer with earbuds while doing this exercise. Cheers everyone! ☺️
As somebody who went through this for almost two years, and still has episodes. It can be something you can tame, it's the fear that feeds depersonalisation, once you're able to tame that fear and face it in the face, while not being scared, but viewing it as a temporary feeling, you can conquer it. I know it sounds cliche, because I heard 'recovery' stories when I was going through the horrors of the feeling, but trust me. It's nothing to be afraid of in the end.
A beautiful soul.
Angie Garcia
Angie Garcia:
Every since quarantine started I’ve felt iffy. I had an episode maybe 3 weeks ago and felt disconnected from myself for 2 weeks then had ONE week where everything felt somewhat normal. But then it came again this past week has been really hard i don’t know what’s real anymore. I feel more disconnected from the world than myself this time. It’s not the same feeling as the first time. I have no idea what’s going on.
Blue Diamond Soul
Blue Diamond Soul:
after 12 years its become the new me. i dont really remember what the old me felt like. the new me is not as social and is very sensitive and needs a lot of alone time but ive come to like it. i like how different i am. i dont feel like its a disorder. its a gift. albeit a difficult one to master and get used to. i wouldnt want to be anyone else. and i have used it to grow more deeply spiritually and to break free of all the old paradigms of reality that i once thought were true. i wouldnt have done that otherwise. having this gift has actually awakened me to REALITY. the old reality and identity i thought was real was in fact the illusion.
Omg this is such an accurate depiction of the condition. I used to think I was just more philosophically inclined than other people but ever since smoking weed heightened existential thinking such thoughts became more intrusive and detrimental towards my well being. Feels good to know someone else feels so similarly
Gabby Botzek
Gabby Botzek:
Wow this was so good
Savannah Joy
Savannah Joy:
Wow. This video brought me so much comfort.
Um actually
Um actually:
Wow I never heard about this.. very very interesting! Thankful for being shared this experience
Adios Cookie
Adios Cookie:
I started get in my thought n I keep felling like I’m in a dream n lowkey scared but feeling better kinda now
Hey Laura,
You sent me a dm on Instagram. I accidentally deleted it :(
I’m so grateful to see this and for you to show me. Could you write back as I can’t find you on Instagram
Mind the noise
An nA
An nA:
I am in this condition since 2005.
I am an observer of my life.

All people now talk about corona and how terrible it is. I can't take this anymore. I have no words for this pain...
fried orange
fried orange:
I LOVE LAURAAA FNDKS... literally the best
geez, gurl! <3
Despair TheWumbo
Despair TheWumbo:
Good thing you can still conquer dpdr
Kristin Krilcheva
Kristin Krilcheva:
I just heard my sorry word for word! ❤️
Jeff Armenta
Jeff Armenta:
I suffer from depersonalization it’s been 8 months my minds playing tricks on me :/
Kasper-Cupid Moysey
Kasper-Cupid Moysey:
No one ever grasps the dpdr side of ANYTHING!! And nothing ever works. She’s not alone, it sucks
Eliana LaRocque
Eliana LaRocque:
too powerful!!! so incredibly well said. you are going to go places ms laura ashley
olivia s
olivia s:
YESSSSS BABYYYYYY. So eloquent I lov u
I have HPPD and from my anxiety I have dr/dp. I felt this heavy.
Jon Padrejuan
Jon Padrejuan:
so honest!!!!
I have deralazation as well and it can be difficult but honestly it's not that bad. But it can be a hard time for all of us to go through
David Leonard
David Leonard:
Thank you
Ellie Kim
Ellie Kim:
What a wonderful job! Such an important topic and cool gal
The Great Hawk
The Great Hawk:
Maja Wnuk
Maja Wnuk:
you are not alone,I know how it feels as well.
TR Kyle
TR Kyle:
I suffer with suicidal ideation (active), and have experienced loads of episodes where i loose myself, control on what is happening, and has lead me to attempts ive not wanted to do but saw myself do them. I am finally coming to grasps with my condition and have plenty of safety measures in place as i live by myself and have no one around. Only recently just over 2 years of daily episodes, this dissociative derealization/depersonalization disorder is whats been happening and to begin to understand the condition further through videos like this is extremely helpful, so much makes so much more sense and hopefully i can keep hold of my actual reality. thank you for this video
Alexis Retzepis
Alexis Retzepis:
for me this stems from really bad anxiety
Mr. Exterminatus
Mr. Exterminatus:
This woman and the people in the comment section need the anxiety ninja
Finnesin Hearts
Finnesin Hearts:
I had this for 2 years I got cured well I cured it by myself but now it’s coming back it’s a terrible feeling :(
Ways I recovered from this was wrapping a belt around my left shoulder to my right chest with light tightening and go for runs everyday of 20-30 minutes; pressure finally started to wear off
Maksim Blagojevic
Maksim Blagojevic:
I am now coming up to my 8th year, for some reason it has intesified recently hence why i am on the net to see if there has been any updates on the "condition" or whatever it is.. there was very little information on this 8 years ago - I am in good place, I live a clean life, mindfulnes is my anchor but still not sure why i am in this state, i try not to give it to much attention, not worth it.
Elvira Ovalle
Elvira Ovalle:
My first time I experienced this I was just molested by a family member it went away a few days later I was 9 and then at 19 it came back so badly and I think it was worse because I was older I’m 27 now I only experience them for days at a time now anyone out there who is going through this now your gonna get through it
I advise her to watch Tony Parsons or Jim Newman
Kim Dennis
Kim Dennis:
How did you manage at school and with keeping your grades at passing? Trying to help my teen through this?
Marielena Stanescu
Marielena Stanescu:
Brian Rodriguez
Brian Rodriguez:
Mindful meditation is the best thing anyone can do for DPDR. Along with tha is analyzing your psychi.
At one time I could not even think about my disorder because that alone would induce an episode. I was a prisoner of the disorder. At the age of nine, I was diagnosed with Anxiety after I was unable to stay on the baseball field without having an episode.
I'm now sixty-one years of age and still have a mild form of Derealization. Friends simply cannot relate and try to fit it into their non-DR, rational reasoning, telling me things such as, "You're not really lost for long. Just keep driving and you'll realize where you are" or "Your phobia makes no sense at all" or "There are drugs for that."
I relate to your descriptions throughout this video. Imagine having this before the internet or before any books recognized this--so thank you for this talk.
Mike Welch
Mike Welch:
Omg I'm going through this and I'm a week into it. Nothing looks real. Its 2AM and I'm laying on my bed alone in a dimly lit room writing this trying not to freak out and it all looks 2d and cartoony and I feel trapped. Omg omg omg I'm terrified
John Crowley
John Crowley:
Ive been dealing with this for 9 years and just recently found out what it was. I feel so releived. First time in 9 years i havnt been able to hold back tears
Heather Carey Vlogs
Heather Carey Vlogs:
I have complex PTSD. (It’s been left untreated for years) I was getting symptoms of seizures too. I had eeg‘s and an mri. Everything was normal. Today my neurologist to me it’s not seizures to anxiety. My counselor diagnosed me with dissociative disorder about a month ago. And Schizophrenia. My episodes are staring off into space and hand and muscle twitches. I’m scared please help. I also get the out of body experience.
Heather Carey Vlogs
Heather Carey Vlogs:
I have complex PTSD. (It’s been left untreated for years) I was getting symptoms of seizures too. I had eeg‘s and an mri. Everything was normal. Today my neurologist to me it’s not seizures to anxiety. My counselor diagnosed me with dissociative disorder about a month ago. And Schizophrenia. My episodes are staring off into space and hand and muscle twitches. I’m scared please help. I also get the out of body experience.
hassan ali
hassan ali:
Ican help anyone
Izzy Blue Bell
Izzy Blue Bell:
The thing that triggered my DPDR is this ride in this carnival in which it's a virtual reality.
It caused all of this and... yeah...
Im so happy ive found someone else with DPDR who also cant stand because of how horrible it is.
Reigo Vilbiks
Reigo Vilbiks:
it is not a disorder or disease, watch my youtube for explanation!
Bella J
Bella J:
Im going on 8 years of living with constant depersonalization, havent popped out of it for even a minute... I wish there was more information on it.. like Im terrified to even have children, I feel like I have a terrible disease. It gets a little better but everyday I am always worried and paranoid that I am going to die any second.
Does she still have it?
Robert Pinto
Robert Pinto:
I have had DP/DR on and off for thr past three months. Lately it is showing up again because of some stressful life events. The symptoms are strange to say the least. For some reason, looking at photos triggers it the most. I look at a photo for 1 second and it feels the effect from looking at that photo for 1 second feels like forever. I also noticed my hearing level improved greatly after I had the symptoms. The senses are under a feeling of extremely heightened awareness. It certainly feels like that. I keep telling myself that evrythingnis the same as it always has been. That is my coping mechanism.
hassan ali
hassan ali:
I have meds for ddd
Jagroop Dhillon
Jagroop Dhillon:
I am going through this now. It really hurts like the feeling is unique for myself and indescribable as ti is for many others. Many would posit if you feel like you are not you why not think back on the memories and make it right? The thing is your memories feel counterfeited as well like you have not lived them and are disconnected from the memories as well. The biggest issue for me is the connection between feelings/words its almost as if words are hollow sure I understand them but not on a emotional level. I hang on always for my mom and my sister. At times the pain is unbearable and l feel as though I am already dead. Being 28 now this episode also hit me when I was around 20 as well. You'd think you could draw on the memories from the first recovery but this one feels even worse even the circumstances back then were much worse. One thing is that I am still there still reasoned and that is why this hurts all the worse because I feel as though I am going insane, yet which is worse going insane or being sane and feeling that you are losing yourself?
Chronically Better
Chronically Better:
How many people here have hypermobility or connective tissue disorder?
Excuse Me
Excuse Me:
Please watch numb by Matthew perry
Divy Dwivedi
Divy Dwivedi:
you are strong , brave and independent . I am sure you gonna get through this shortly . I had a massive panic attack an year back . From the very next day of experiencing that , i got depersonalised and derealised . Since then my thoughts , behaviour and movement is not under control . I am not me anymore . Imma changed man . One who is out of his body . Despite all these , their is one thing that always stayed with me are my hopes of getting back to normal which kinda drags me to a state where i feel safe and merry.
12 years for me. Sucks, but you have no choice but to move forward or it WILL NOT SUBSIDE.
Did u guys buy Richard grannons dissociation course
Brandon Coffey
Brandon Coffey:
It really hit home for me when she spoke about no Dr, Psychologist and other medical professionals not understanding. I have been to countless Dr's, counselors, psychs and tried a few different medications. Came pretty close to benzo addiction, I was just lucky that I wasn't in too deep. For years I have been avoiding the word depersonalization because I was so fixated on it when it all first started happening and as part of my 'recovery', I had to completely abandon DPDR and use the word 'anxiety'. Its complete bulls**t! I may have anxiety too (I think almost everyone does really in this day and age) but it is so much more deeper than that and no one cares :(

I dont blame them though, before I ever had such a condition theres no way I could comprehend what something like this is like and figure someone telling me that they 'dont feel real' are just being weird.

I hope everyone else who is suffering from this is able to find strength and fight through it to the best of their ability and live a happy fulfilling life
so there's a difference between zen and depersonalization?
lerae s
lerae s:
have you been tested for Lyme disease? this is extremely common
Behavior & Handwriting Reveal the Truth
Behavior & Handwriting Reveal the Truth:
A person who diagnoses themselves with a mental disorder is like a criminal who acts as their own attorney: both of them have fools for clients.
Callie M
Callie M:
Can someone tell me is this related to schizophrenia and can schizotypal personality disorder contribute as well?
Marcel Molitor
Marcel Molitor:
Hey, my DP/DR come from Anxiety. CBD Oil changed my life.
Try telling TBI victims it's just "anxiety"
Maya O
Maya O:
I didn't know what was wrong with me, doctors didn't know, i was alone with this for years and years, one day i saw something about it online,i was so happy it has a name, i really hate it, but i understand why it's here, hopefully with some therapy it will just go away..
Blue Diamond Soul
Blue Diamond Soul:
does anyone with this also have chronic fatigue? they both came at the same time for me.
Erica Gardens
Erica Gardens:
Gender isn’t a thing, but ok
Garry Lazovskis
Garry Lazovskis:
I have to tell you something: Do not be afraid and try to live your life as normal (as if you had nothing). Accept the symptoms and understand that you are in a safe state. Only when you get out of survival mode to a safe state will you feel better. Know each other and do not always watch such videos. I am not completely healed yet, but it is getting better with each of you. Don't worry, nothing will happen to you. See the symptoms as something exciting. Be curious and enjoy life in the here and now. Have fun and don't go out anymore. It'll be fine. If you have any questions or want to make contact, just write me. Life is a rollercoaster. There will always be good times and bad.
Keep going and never give up!
The only way out of this guys is knowing our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ. Not pretending to know him but really giving our lives to him. And it's not just about depersonalisation and derealisation . God wants you to be happy and live a fulfilled life full of your passions and desires. Find a good church that stick to the true word of God and not one that's legalistic / fake motivational / get rich churches and just seek him with all your heart and most importantly turn away from all sin. God bless !